It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
