So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize