here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
