he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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