Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
