i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
