NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
