Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you didnt know i had herpes?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize