Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
