Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
