I just cut my nipple shaving
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think your dad took our porno
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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