I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize