If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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