Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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