Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize