i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
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