I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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