Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
