FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
