you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
