Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
