Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
