she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
