Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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