I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
