LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
