She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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