Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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