I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
