Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
