im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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