I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I came so hard my ears popped.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize