ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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