I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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