I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
