I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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