Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's blow job season.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
