what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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