His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
