I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
