mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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