So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
