so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
