I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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