Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
