And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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