at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
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