Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
