I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
