I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
