saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
