how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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