TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
