Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
