Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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