i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
