I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
