My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize