The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
