what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
