I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
