You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
