I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
