I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
