Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
