I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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