Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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