shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
