So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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