There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
