im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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