if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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