I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
