My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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