I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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