508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
